Diverse Friends are a Gift from God
It comes as no surprise that we are living in an increasingly divided country. As the research seems to indicate, we are becoming an increasingly polarized society and one of the contributing factors to this polarization is the lack of diversity in our relationships. Left to ourselves we will tend to congregate with people who share the same ideas and positions on every subject. Furthermore, once we get inside of these groups we tend to mischaracterize those who are not in our particular group. Not only does this create a lack of diversity in thinking it can lead to dangerous group extremism (For more information on this idea you can check out David Sunstein’s paper “The Law of Group Polarization” or David French’s book Divided We Fall). In light of this I think it is worth encouraging people not only to have a variety of political friends but also a variety of theological friends as well. I would also just advocate for a variety of friends beyond these two spectrums but for the sake of our writing I will be applying this to the political and theological spectrums. Here are a few reasons why I am thankful to have a diverse group of friends:
My Thinking is Sharpened
When I have to think about why I hold to a position it only makes me a better thinker. Being challenged as to why you believe something is not a bad exercise and it does not make the person challenging you a bad person. We can be tempted in many situations to merely accept what we are told and when we have to come up with reasoning as to why we hold to a position we are taking ownership of those beliefs. I have watched many college students struggle in this area as they have to wrestle with why they believe what they believe. This is not a bad process to go through and we shouldn’t demonize people as they go through this process.
One of the ways that my thinking is sharpened is when they point out perceived weak points in my argument. This allows for me to engage deeply on the topic that we are discussing by driving the argument further. Also, if there is a portion of my argument that is problematic it allows me to further think and wrestle with the problem. Sometimes the problems that arise are not in terms of the argument itself but in the argumentation for the argument. By having dialogue with friends who don’t agree those “blind spots” become visible and change can happen.
Finally, on this point a lack of diverse views actually dulls my thinking because I am never pressed on what I believe. When I am never challenged I rely on potentially outdated arguments and I am able to falsely characterize those who I disagree with which, in turn, muddies the arguments in the future.
My Knowledge is Expanded and Corrected
Even when I disagree with someone’s position, especially theologically, it forces me to grow. I don’t know everything that there is to know on any given subject and all the particularities that go with that subject. By having diverging viewpoints, I have to work at knowing more. For instance, going into my doctoral work I had what some would consider a very narrow view on certain theological disciplines. While the classes have helped expand some of my thinking and crystalize other portions, meals shared with friends discussing theological arguments and views has helped me to grow beyond where I was when I entered the program.
I also can be corrected easily by friends. They know my heart and I know theirs. They seek to see me grow and sometimes growth means change. Sometimes the renewing of my mind means that God uses my friends to show me how I am incorrectly interpreting or applying Scripture. Friends are a God given benefit for my spiritual growth and I should be thankful that the Lord has blessed me with them.
My Friends Are Protected
One of the most evident ways that lazy thinking takes place is in the area of stereotyping or caricatures of people and their arguments. These often can be termed “straw man” arguments. When I have friends with other viewpoints I am able to fight with them against faulty viewpoints. Some examples for you to think about would be the following unfair characterizations of people:
Calvinists don’t care about evangelism.
People who are more charismatic in their theology don’t care about Scripture.
People who care about social justice are “liberal”.
Democrats are all socialists.
The pro-life movement only cares about unborn babies in the womb.
Republicans are all wealthy and power hungry.
All of these are illustrations of where people have come down to the “lowest common denominator” of the arguments and give false witness to their neighbor. By having a variety of friends that hold onto various positions I am able to put to death false assumptions about people. Further, this creates in me a “social conscience” where I am unwilling to watch my friends be falsely accused of things that they don’t even believe.
All in all, the benefit widely outweighs the difficulty. Is it hard to have conversations with people that I disagree with? Yes. Avoidance of doing hard things is never an acceptable excuse for people and how they live. Christians must constantly find themselves in the public square advocating on behalf of and pointing people to Christ, but in the end those people aren’t my enemy. I see them as my friends, who I care about and want what’s best for them. There are going to be things that even Christians disagree about but that should not keep us from having deep and lasting friendships with those we don’t agree.